


Crush

by Delcat



Category: Don't Starve (Video Game)
Genre: Fluff, Gen, M/M, Tangential shipping, silliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-18
Updated: 2014-04-18
Packaged: 2018-01-19 19:41:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1481644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Delcat/pseuds/Delcat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chester and a reluctantly friendly spider discuss the physics and psychology of effin'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crush

He was on the move.  
  
It was late afternoon, not quite dusk.  He knew he shouldn’t be out yet, but he was worried.  Maybe a little scared, even.  It had been three days now of complete silence—a welcome respite at first, but as the hours went by, it made him more and more uneasy.  Long tendrils of shadow ran ahead in front of him as he cut through the underbrush, and despite himself, he once again entertained the gut-wrenching thought that this time, they were really gone for good—  
  
It came without warning, knocking him flat, hissing hot breath down his back.  
  
"Hiiiii, Arthur!  Hi, hi, hi!  You’re here!  You’re here and I’m here, yay!"  
  
Arthur, Spider Scout #5,714 of the Our Good Queen’s Army, gave a token shriek and shrugged his assailant off.  “Hi, Chester.”  
  
"HI." She punctuated the greeting with an emphatic lick, then turned and poinked away.  Arthur followed, waiting patiently as she waddled in circles a few times before settling on the grass.  
  
"So, uh…haven’t seen you lately."  
  
"Nuh."  
  
Arthur was becoming aware of…noises.  He glanced around, but to his delicate eyes, the scenery was muddy in the bright light.  “You guys move base camp or something?”  
  
"Nuh."  
  
"So…whatcha up to?"  
  
Chester scratched at one of her horns.  “Watchin’ Mister Wilson and the boss eff.”  
  
It took a few moments of silent scrutiny for Arthur to work out what he was looking at, then just a few moments of silence.  “…I thought that was a couple of beefalo.”  
  
"Nuh, they’re just effin’ like ‘em.  Mister Wilson’s butt is red and everything!"  
  
"I’m colorblind, Chester, we’ve discussed this."  
  
"Chessie’s sorry."  
  
Now that he’d made out the shapes, Arthur couldn’t unsee them.  Or unhear them.  He shuffled in place.  “You…you shouldn’t be watching this.”  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Well, uh…Wilson—"  
  
"MISTER Wilson."  
  
"MISTER Wilson might be embarrassed, you know?"  
  
"Mister Wilson likes it ‘cause he’s a filthy pig!  The boss said so!" Chester bounced excitedly, tongue lolling, then tilted her head. "Only I think Mister Boss is confused, ‘cause pigs don’t get red butts when they eff—"  
  
"So HEY, what’s, uh, what’s your cargo today, what are you carrying?" Arthur poked at Chester’s tongue, hoping she’d be eager enough about her job to change the subject.  
  
"Oh oh oh!  Lotsa stuff!" She opened her mouth impossibly wide, revealing…he didn’t like to think of it as a very short wormhole, but it was hard not to make the comparison.  "Ah got some bahs an’ some honeh’ and a coupla hats and a sparrer m’aht—"  
  
"Dude.  DUDE.  In what universe is it okay to show me that.  Not cool, man."  
  
"Hah’ was bahin’ a butt!"  
  
"He was being SO much of a butt you had to shuffle him off this mortal coil?  That is sick, okay, it’s sick, and—"  Arthur squinted.  "Wait.  Is that Carl?  That’s Carl.  That guy sucked, I hated him.  Never mind.  What’s that in the back?"  
  
"Lursh!"  
  
"Why would Wilso—"  
  
"MUHURH."  
  
"MISTER Wilson put you on a leash?  You follow that friggin’ bone everywhe—"  
  
"Nuh muh!"  
  
"If it’s not for you, then…" Arthur wanted to know, then decided he didn’t. "…that’s great.  Good job, that’s a good haul."  
  
Chester closed up happily.  “Chessie good girl.”  
  
They sat in relative silence for a few minutes, muffled screaming and and wet slapping noises aside.  Arthur shooed off a stray bee that had escaped Chester’s gravitational pull.  
  
"Do you think they like each other?"  
  
The spider glanced up, surprised.  “Those two?”  
  
"Yuh."  
  
"I…I don’t think so, Chester."  
  
She thought for a moment.  “But they eff a lot.  They’ve been effing, like, for-EV-er today.”  
  
"I don’t…well…"  
  
"Do you think they’re gonna have babies?"  
  
"…"  
  
"If they have babies, I’m gonna carry the’ aroun’ in mah mouf!"  Chester emphasized the last by opening wide again, allowing another bee precious freedom.  
  
"Well, it…does kinda look like when Our Good Majesty, uh…effs…" Arthur said reluctantly.  
  
"Yuh!"  
  
"…and then she bites off the Chosen’s legs and lays her eggs in his…"  
  
"They’re SO gonna have babies."  
  
Arthur hesitated.  “…do you think you ever wanna do that?”  
  
"Eff?"  
  
The spider coughed harshly.  “H-have babies.”  
  
"Nuh.  Boys are gross."  
  
"Huh?"  He bristled, resisting the urge to shriek.  "They are not!  Do…do you even know the difference between boys and girls?"  
  
"Yuh, boys are gross and dumb."  
  
"You—your stupid MISTER Wilson is a boy!"  
  
Chester bounced furiously, tearing up sod with her claws.  “No he’s not!  No he’s not not not!  Mister Wilson isn’t a boy ‘cause he’s cool and nice and gives Chessie things and pets her belly so he’s not a boy!  You’re dumb dumb dummy dumb dumb dumb—”  
  
Arthur gave up.  “Okay, whatever, fine.  Chester, we…we gotta go, though, okay?  We shouldn’t be watching this.  C’mon.”  He nipped into a tuft of fur and tried to pull her away.  
  
"Noooooooo no no!"  She dug her claws in, halting hard enough to flip Arthur over.  "Chessie good girl Chessie sit Chessie stay Chessie follow Mister Boney!"  
  
"You and that friggin’ bone," he sighed.  "Where is it, even?"  
  
"Mister Wilson has it."  
  
He squinted.  “Where?  His hands are…full.”  
  
"There.  No, theeeere."  
  
"I don’t sOH MY GOD."  
  
"The boss and Mister Wilson share, it’s nice."  
  
"I’M GONNA PUKE."  
  
"Cool!  Can I have it?"  
  
In lieu of tearing out his eyes, Arthur shoved his face briefly into the ground to regain his composure.  “Chester, this is…this is messed, this is beyond messed, let’s just go, okay?”  
  
"Hrrrrrrrrrrm…" Chester wiggled from one foot to the other dubiously.  
  
"We…we can make flower garlands.  For Mister Wilson."  
  
She brightened up immediately, bouncing in place.  “Really-really-lemon-peely?!”  
  
Arthur sighed.  “He’ll be very happy to have one, I’m sure.”  
  
Chester squealed and poinked with delight.  
  
"So let’s just head back to the colony and—"  
  
The spider shrieked, shocked, as Chester pounced him and licked him across the face.  He looked up at her, heart beating hard.  
  
"Chessie loves you, Arthur.  I’m so glad you’re not a boy."  
  
She bounded away.  
  
Arthur lay still for a little while, listening to the screechy, splotchy sounds of Maxwell effing the ever-loving eff out of Wilson, then followed.  
  
They’d work something out.


End file.
